I’m under the impression currently that I’ve offended a blogger, which has me horrified and concerned. The blogger is a person I really admire, and near as I can remember, I’ve left nothing but positive and supportive comments on the site.
I sent the blogger an email, and as of yet the blogger hasn’t responded, but it’s only been a short time since I emailed the blogger. I thought about this possible situation and others I’ve encountered in the past, either by my actions or someone else’s that I’ve seen. I thought about perceptions and miscommunications so easily bred in this asychronous discourse community that has become such a huge part of general society’s lives.
I’ve been blogging now for many years. I’ve had several blogs of varying subjects. I’ve encountered many angry people through the Internet, I myself have gotten angry, and always I’m amazed how how badly we communicate with each other. As if there isn’t enough ugliness in the world already!
I think it’s safe to say generally bloggers blog for two reasons: a need to communicate first and foremost, and secondly to find an alternate source of support. That doesn’t mean the blogger doesn’t have adequate support elsewhere–it’s just the Internet provides another means to reach out and seek others who are like-minded. Look at my list of blogs to the right: you will see that my long list of blogs is a community of artists, the majority of whom are jewelry designers. There are a few other artists of varying mediums, but generally I now seek out the community of jewelry designers. I blog to offer support to others, I blog to reach out to others who are likeminded. I blog to find a support mechanism of people who engage in the same activities as I do.
The Internet provides something that is difficult to obtain in real society: absolute freedom of speech. (Unless of course you live in China, Iran or North Korea!) Some people take that freedom to mean that there shouldn’t be any constraints of courtesy. I’ve seen people respond to difficult subjects with a littany of vulgarity that made even me wince and blush (and let me tell you, after 13 years in the military, I can cuss with the best of ‘em!).
In this medium of absolute freedom of speech, I believe several things:
- We are going to disagree on occasion.
- When we disagree, it’s polite to at least say why, without the littany of vulgarities.
- Just as we would in real society, if we offend, it’s ok and even preferred to say “Hey, that bothered me.”
The last bullet is the one that I’d like to focus on. And since I fear I offended someone I admire, I’ll make it directed at me personally. I have a tendency to stick my 7.5 size foot in my mouth. I don’t always realize it. Sometimes, I think I am making myself clear as to why I have a certain opinion, and it turns out I didn’t make myself clear at all. I had that instance occur last week. A different blogger emailed me, apologizing for offending me in reference to an opinion I left on one of the blog’s entries, and I was conversely horrified. I didn’t realize I made the blogger feel so bad. That wasn’t my intent. I wrote back, explained the comment I left more thoroughly, and I apologized to the blogger for instilling those feelings. I truly felt awful–my only intent was to express a difference of opinion, and why I had it.
It’s difficult to communicate on this faceless, voiceless medium. There is no tonal inflection, there is no facial expression to relay kindness, humor, or sincerity. As a result, comments can be, and often are, construed as negative, condescending, or meanspirited.
Let me lay this out here, for me.
I mean no negativity towards anyone. My sole intent with this blog, different from others I’ve had and participated in, is to empower, whether by sharing my mistakes, my successes, or opportunities. I like to see people succeed. Success (and I don’t mean just monetary) breeds happiness. I believe if more people succeed personally, that happiness radiates to others. If I visit your blog and leave a comment, rest assured you are someone I admire. I may not always agree with you. But that’s one of the things that makes our Constitution and our country wonderful–the power to have a different opinion.
If I offend you, I cannot improve myself as a person if I don’t know what I did. Email me. Say “Hey, dork, your comment bothered me!” I promise you I’ll be aghast that I did so. But please don’t hold it in, or do the passive aggressive thing. That doesn’t improve the sitation at all. I am not always the most eloquent person. I don’t always think before I speak, as much as I try. I am a work in progress, and with your help, I’ll get better.
Be BOLD.
Miachelle
